Today is Easter, and it is the one day out of the year when I go to church. This year was much like every other year. My aunt gives me grief because I zone out the instant the service begins, but I was aware of some of the more interesting details.
Let's start with the "Call To Worship." We got treated to a lady reading an Easter poem, with four identically-dressed little girls doing an interpretive dance. Crouched in front of them was a member of the choir (and, judging by the names in the bulletin, the mother of two of the girls), coaching their moves. They needed to practice a little more.
We then moved on to two hymns with similar-sounding names: "He Lives" and "Because He Lives." "He Lives" is sung every single year, and this year the organist was accompanied by two trumpeters and two trombonists, one of said trumpeters being Chris. I can't help but notice that they tend to slow waaaay down during the third verse, dragging out this ordeal. "Because He Lives" featured the same choir member who coached the girls, this time playing the flute. Badly. I guess she fancies herself a musical and choreographic powerhouse. She fancies herself wrong. Maybe she was out of breath from her "coaching" of the dancers.
We continued this ordeal with me stiffing the collection plate, since all I had was a $20 bill, and it is not in good form to make change from the collection plate. After that, we wound up with the chancel choir singing a song. More accurately, they were singing along to a pre-recorded song, complete with vocals. I guess you could call it Karaoke for Christ. We applauded after, but I don't know where the pre-recorded vocals ended and the choir's vocals began.
Next, we had the sermon. It seems that with the choir, the brass players, and the organist, there was no room for a pulpit. So the pastor had to preach from a lectern stuck behind the altar. I got to know the backs of the necks of the two guys in front of me) very well.
Happily, I didn't have to deal with what I usually deal with whenever I go to church. Most of the time, I am seated in front of one of two people: either a woman who fancies herself the second coming of Beverly Sills, or a man who sings every single hymn with one note, and that note sound like a belching basso. So that was a relief.
However, what I got instead was BethAnne bringing her entire brood to church this morning, for the first time in years. Since Chris was playing the trumpet, everyone was required to go this year. I was seated next to Matthew and Ben, who brought their hand-held Nintendo games along. This left me befuddled. Why would they be allowed to bring video games to church? What is the point of that? My thought on that was that I should have brought my copy of Instinct with me. That would have made for an interesting scene.
After the service was over, I wanted to get the heck out of there. Matthew and I took a quick slip out so I could get my coat, and went to a side entrance. Matthew, David, BethAnne, and I went back to their house, where I just sat and chilled until everyone came back. They still consider Easter to be like a second Christmas, with tons of expensive gifts for all four boys, including pet frogs for each. These kids have everything; their house looks like a Toys "R" Us exploded, and they just want more. I guess avarice makes the world economy go around.
When my aunt and uncle returned with the other three boys, we had pancakes and bacon. I am really looking forward to getting back to my routine. I am looking forward to that power walk on Tuesday morning, even if I have no idea what to expect when I get to work later that same morning. I am also looking forward to getting back to dieting. I have felt queasy now for several days. I have one more meal (Easter dinner), and then we are done.
So I am leaving tomorrow with two new shirts (some Rachel bought for Dan that were never used), a pile of movies, and a sense of nervousness. But life is kind of weird that way, isn't it?
Eric Out.
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