From the Fucking Cartier Pen, at about 5:11 this evening:
I really don't know what's wrong with me right now. I am going to bingo tonight, I have tomorrow off, and I'm getting my taxes out of the way tomorrow. So why do I feel like I want to go home, crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and stay there?
It isn't even because I'm sick; I'm actually starting to feel like myself again. I'm seeing Justin tonight, so it isn't that. I've eaten reasonably for the past two days, so I can have a burger tonight. So what the heck is wrong with me?
My Advocate saga is ongoing. According to their online status, my subscription is paid up until 9/2014. But a second reversal is coming, and my only hope was that this was voided. I thought I was being so proactive in renewing, and my own impatience got the best of me, leaving me back at square one. Perhaps this is what's bothering me.
It really isn't about a stupid magazine, it's about my mindset. I get into a rut and any change causes me to panic.
Justin went to an auto show today. My question is, would he have invited me if I was off? And would I have been so set in my ways that I would have declined? How much more of this is he going to tolerate?
I just hope he know that in spite of being a stick in the mud who says the wrong thing, I'm still there for him.
It is now shortly before one in the morning as I write this new text, and I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I wrote the above text. If there is a second reversal, so be it. I can always ask if I can re-do the subscription, or just cool my heels and wait until 2012 to renew. If the second reversal was voided, great. A magazine subscription is nothing to get bent out of shape over. It is just indicative of how my mind works. So I just need to cool it.
I won a Barbie doll at bingo tonight, and ate too much. And I will be just fine. I always get myself back on track once I go back to work, so I am not worrying about it for now. But right now, I am heading to bed.
Eric Out.
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