My Mood Has Not Improved One Bit.

Yes, folks, the text is blue to reflect my mood. I have spent the better part of the day in a major funk. It dampened my entire walk, which I tried to make excuses not to do until the minute I pulled into Dulles Town Center. Then I tried to talk myself out of using my weights. Fortunately, I used them. I just have to remember that it is because of the walking that I have been gaining weight more slowly than otherwise.

I forgot to mention last night that to add insult to injury, I bowled my worst game since joining the league. And the other two weren't much better than that. So, I'm a shunned misfit in the bowling league, and I can't bowl for shit. I'll bet the entire league is hoping I disappear completely. Guess what, folks: say the word and it's done.

I still have not finished watching "Bear Cub", and it has been in my DVD player for nearly a month. Right now, I want to forget about anything regarding my sexual orientation. And that movie would just be another slap in the face about how inept I am in that universe.

Justin called me this morning as I was driving to the mall, and he told me that I have to just go up and talk to people. This is what everyone says, but I just can't do it. We all were told when we were kids not to talk to strangers. And I was always told as a kid that I talk too much and should keep my mouth shut, that no one cares about what I have to say. And now I have to ignore both of those and pretend that people are interested in my conversation topics? I'm sorry everybody; I can't "fake it till I make it." My fake personality I use for bowling is just too obvious, mostly because I am creating it as I go; for work and other situations, I am far better at faking it because I have had a lot of practice.

So basically, this day was spent engaging in two activities: feeling sorry for myself and dreading work tomorrow. I work from 10:30-7 tomorrow, and it is going to be a bad day. Of course, every day is a bad day when your life is as worthless as mine.

Let's hope I can actually sleep tonight. Last night, I went to bed at about eleven, fell asleep soon thereafter, and woke up at two, unable to get back to sleep until right before the alarm went off. So I have been running on Diet Coke ever since.

Eric Out.