Sometimes, as you know, I have some thoughts and opinions that don't merit entire blog entries, so I just group them into one post.
My weight this morning was 153.5 pounds. I did a search of my blog, and discovered that the first time I hit this weight was on the twelfth of March. This means that I have essentially maintained this weight (with a little bit of fluctuation) for more than two months. I am three pounds lighter than I was the day I met Justin. This whole business of balancing cheat days and good days appears to be working. The only person I am always discussing this with is Julie, and she is sick and tired of hearing about it. I have to keep telling her about, though, so she can get it through her head that her attempts at sabotage have not worked. I ate about 2300 calories today. And that is okay, since I walked tonight, and I am hungry right now. My "cheat days" are usually better than my regular days were two years ago.
The past few months have left me with a few opinions of music: for one thing, I cannot stand that song "Say" by John Mayer. I have never particularly liked his music anyway, but this song is just awful. It is the line "say what you need to say" repeated approximately 453 times. Another opinion is that I am convinced that Paramore and Flyleaf are essentially the same band. I also think that Leona Lewis uses entirely too much lip gloss.
I am still worried about boring Justin to the point of breaking up with me. He is now talking about picking up hours at his new job. Of course, I am wondering if he is trying to wean himself away from me. I need to be less selfish about what we do together, as I seem to be dictating the activities, and he is coming up with all of the better ideas. I would love to go bowling again, go for another picnic, and do things like that. I want this relationship to be mutually fulfilling, and I worry that I am not keeping up my part of the "give" part of "give and take." The last thing I want to do is turn into Julie, who essentially controls Cleo.
I am dreading working tomorrow. I have to work the night shift, as the part timer has decided that she needs yet another weekend off. I am just going to follow my night shift walking routine, but I have had to fall back on this a lot lately, as I have been working a disproportionate number of night shifts recently. And I have to do this again next Tuesday.
I really wish I knew why I am in such a funk right now. I am thinner than I have ever been, I have a boyfriend who, unless I am being played for a fool, loves me, I have steady employment, and am in good health. I keep thinking, "soon this is going to be over," then wondering what I am talking about. There is nothing heading toward a conclusion right now. I am not going on vacation for two more months, and even that is up in the air. So I don't know what to think about anything.
I am still missing Josie terribly. I sent a link to both Kyle and Kari to my performance, but, as usual, there was no response. But I have to keep telling myself that I'm the Uncle who Doesn't Matter. I have sent them an anniversary card and an Easter card to Josie, but I have heard next to nothing. I might as well just give it up. I guess I will have to drop dead for them to appreciate me and wish they had let me visit more.
And with that cheerful note, I am ending this entry. Hopefully the next one will be better.
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