Cleo's Marital Agony

Today is Cleo and Julie's fourth wedding anniversary. I am amazed that it lasted this long. Here is my recounting of that fateful day:

Cleo and Julie did not spend the night apart, which basically was bad luck. Of course, this whole relationship had been bad luck. I don't know where Julie went in the morning, but Cleo and I went to his parents' house (where the wedding was happening) and we went through a quick run-through. During this run-through, Cleo's mother told him that he could still back out if he wanted to. 

After that, on the way back to the house, I bought him breakfast, and he said "screw the wedding; let's go for a walk!" I wish he actually had done this. And changed the locks on Julie. 

So after a while, I showered put on the outfit I had chosen for this oh-so-festive occasion. You can click on this previous entry for a photo of me that day. I think I was smiling because the day was almost over.

After Cleo and I were dressed (I was the best man), we went back to the house. Twenty minutes before the wedding was supposed to start, Cleo's parents realized that they didn't have enough champagne flutes, so his dad and I went to Kmart to pick up some.

So at about two in the afternoon, I found myself a witness to a civil ceremony, with the dulcet tones of the dishwasher above us (washing said champagne flutes; the kitchen windows were open). I found it interesting that the official did not say anything about speaking now or forever holding their peace. I have a feeling that every hand would have been stuck in the air, with a "Jerry Springer"-like chant of "CLEO IS GAY! CLEO IS GAY!"

The ceremony was very quick, and then it was time for the reception. I had to stand up and give a toast, and felt like God was going to strike me down for lying about how they seemed like a good couple, and that sort of thing. But I survived.

For the most part, I gravitated toward a friend of Cleo's mother, who basically echoed my sentiment: that this marriage was a joke. 

I had one thing on my mind by the end of the day: to get home in time to catch the sneak preview of "Team America: World Police" that was going to be showing at my local theatre. After the whole idiocy of that day, I was ready for some relief. And this movie just seemed like the perfect way to end this catastrophe.

In spite of it being their wedding night, Julie managed to throw together a wedding website. I sent the link to many people, and included the disclaimer, "I leave it to the viewer to draw his or her own conclusions." Sorry, folks, I'm not giving you the link; I don't want it to come back to this blog.

But here are some of the more choice reactions:

From my friend William: "Cleo looks miserable; you look cute, though! Julie's dress is awful!"

From my lesbian friend Kim: "What is the deal with that dress? She looks like a lace-covered torpedo!"

From Phil: "They say all brides are beautiful, but she is the exception. She looks like a FUCKING BEAST! What was Cleo thinking? His right hand is more attractive!"

You get the idea. Another recurring theme was: why was everyone (including me) wearing black? And yes, folks, almost every male was dressed in black.

The next day there was a brunch, and then I went and helped Kyle move baby furniture up three flights of stairs to their apartment for a soon-to-be-born Cathleen. 

I can't believe that was four years ago. 

Today was just another day at work. I had a lot to do, but it made most of the day go by quickly. And I get paid tomorrow. And I am still holding the line with my eating, finishing today with 1665 calories. I wonder if I have offset my eating from Monday yet.

I actually got an email from Kari yesterday about the possibility of dinner. Unfortunately, I gave them the wrong weekend I was off, but I hope we can work things out for the next weekend.

Justin is still sick, which put the kibosh on our movie night. He has now been sick for several days. I hope he will be all right. 

But now it is time to sign off.

Eric Out.