Out of the Loop Again.

This is from the Fucking Cartier Pen, at five this evening:

It has been a rather busy day, and with about an hour until I leave, I am thinking about a phone conversation that I had last night.

It seems, once again, that news from Kyle and Kari has been withheld from me. During Josie's birthday party, the caller opined that Kari was pregnant. It turned out that she was correct.

Unfortunately, seven weeks along, it was determined that the baby was not growing properly, so there was an induced miscarriage (the caller's words). I told her that I didn't know about this at all, and that I wouldn't let on that she had told me. However, since nobody in my family reads this blog (heck, for the most part, nobody at all reads it), it's pretty safe to post here.

And if my brother finds out, what the hell difference does it make anyway? The fact is that, keeping with tradition, I hear nothing that goes on. This goes hand-in-hand with the fact that I never get to see Josie. How can I be a supportive family member when I never get told anything? My brother and his wife are going through a difficult time, and they won't let me be there for them!

I've banged the drum about how they have shut me out at other times, so I'm not going to rehash this now. Since I'm handwriting this, the last thing I want is to waste ink when it costs fourteen dollars for a pen refill. But I will say that back in June, Kyle insisted that they weren't avoiding me on purpose. Hogwash.

Now we are writing new text. I will not let this affect my eating, though. I finished the day's eating at 1400 calories. I am feeling hungry, but I don't care. I ate too much yesterday, and I am determined not to put on any more weight. I walked without weights today, but I still walked. And tomorrow I will be using the weights again. Being unhappy is not an excuse to overeat. 

I received my first and second issues of Reader's Digest® yesterday and today. They did the same thing that Harper's™ did: they sent me the August issue yesterday, and the September issue today. Unfortunately, I already had bought those issues. The August issue is the one I bought for the family reunion, and I bought the September issue about a week ago. Although I may be kvetching a little bit, this is fairly minor. At less than 63¢ an issue, it's fine. I will be getting this magazine until July of 2010, and by then, all of this will be forgotten.

I am sitting here on the sofa, with XM's New Age channel playing, and the only light that is on is from a floor lamp in the corner. I turned off the light from the stairs, and my bedroom light, and am now making an effort to shut out the world. I wish Justin would call, though. I don't know what time he will have his dinner break but I hope to talk to him.

Eric Out.