I Did It!

It is no small accomplishment that I got through a day off without overeating.

You might have noticed that when I have the day off, I usually report that I ate too much that day, and on my work days, I have more control. The fact is that I get bored on my days off, and my old compulsions come back to haunt me. 

Last Wednesday, I was at loose ends, so I went to Fair Oaks and walked for a while. Unfortunately, I also ate a lot last Wednesday, and I doubt I offset it with the walking. Today, I once again went to Fair Oaks and walked four laps, logging an extra fifty minutes or so of walking. Then I came home and had dinner (tomato soup, an English muffin, and a bowl of sugar-free pudding), bringing my total calories to 1555. I have brushed my teeth, ending all eating for the day.

So I feel like I have gotten back on track, but I know that this is just for today. Tomorrow, I have to do it again. This is the same battle I have had to fight every day, and I have been losing this battle lately. I am sure that if it weren't for the daily walking (sixty-five consecutive days since I last skipped), I would probably be putting a lot of weight back on. 

I always knew that maintaining my weight would be more difficult than actually losing it. When I was losing weight, I had a goal in mind. Since making that goal, I am scared every time the number on the scale changes. There is also a matter of being a compulsive eater; this has not changed, but it was easier to fight when I had a goal to achieve. Genetics also play a role in this; my father has always been heavy, and I have no memories of my mother being anything but large. According to my aunt, though, she had lost a lot of weight, but gained it back when she was pregnant with Kyle. I don't have that excuse.

I am working the next two days, and as long as no one tries to push food my way, and as long as I can avoid my own compulsive behavior, I should be just fine. Sunday is my next day off, and it will be a challenge. If I can find something to occupy myself during the day, I won't have a problem.

But that's Sunday. I am settling in for the night (having showered and such), so tomorrow when I get up, I will be solely focusing on the one day. And I must remember:

JULIE WANTS ME TO GAIN WEIGHT. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN.

JULIE WANTS ME TO GAIN WEIGHT. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN.

JULIE WANTS ME TO GAIN WEIGHT. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN.

Eric Out (again)