The March Anxieties Are Realized

From the Fucking Cartier Pen, from 4:55-5:20 pm:

One thing I have learned over and over is that when I am facing an upcoming unpleasant event, the actual event is not as bad as the waiting and worrying about it. Some things I wait for have a timetable that I can't control; the most recent example is my adventures in the courthouse earlier this week. I had absolutely no say in the days I was to serve, so that made the wait even more trying. I knew I would get through it, and now that it's over, I am wondering why I was so anxious.

Then there is the waiting and dread that I brought on myself: my car. I know that I have to get this done in March, but for some reason, I am always a case of nerves, yet this year I put it off. Then, I was ready to put off the necessary repairs until next week. Fortunately, my boyfriend's need for moral support on Tuesday took precedence, so I bit the bullet and had my car fixed today. And like I said before, life goes on.

But my question is, as much as a source of anxiety as my yearly car inspection is (note at 10:30 pm: what kind of whacked-out sentence structure was this?), why did I procrastinate? Yes, Justin and I went out last Tuesday, but I could have done the same thing last week that I did yesterday and today. I had essentially the same schedule last Thursday and Friday, so there was no reason to prolong my anxiety another week.

I guess that I decided subconsciously to take the bull by the horns and deal with both of these in the same week. Last year, after getting my car inspection work done, I got a kabob. Maybe we'll do that again tonight. Sounds like the makings of a tradition.

And so I did. No one can say I didn't get my walking in today. I dropped my car off early this morning, and then walked to work in the cold (complete with a snow shower), then walked some on my lunch break. After work (BTW, two days off did nothing to improve Petunia Gray's demeanor toward me), I hiked back to the service station, and did indeed have a kabob. I then went to Safeway; Diane and I are supposedly having our hot dog night that we were supposed to have a month ago. I bought the things I would need for that. I'll believe that we are having this when I am at her house, eating a hot dog.

I finally realized something about my eating and my weight: as I have reported here, I have been struggling to get back on track since September. But the facts now speak for themselves: if I were really eating badly and gaining back weight, I would have probably gained back fifty pounds in the last six months. I would be back in my 40" or my 44" pants. Yet I am still wearing the same 36" pants I bought back in July. So even though I have been loath to step on the scale, I could not have possibly gained back the weight. So I must be doing something right.

I got my re-sent issue of Instinct today, and my copy of Out yesterday. So I have some reading material for tomorrow afternoon. They are going home with me at the end of the day. On that note, I am calling it a day.

Eric Out.