Reflections of Dan

Because of the passing of Dan on Tuesday (and finding out about it last night), I have been in kind of a gloomy mood all day.

Now, you might be asking, "Eric, Dan was not a blood relative, and he wasn't a major player in the cast of your life, why are you so bummed?" Here is why.

First, although Dan did not play a major role in my life, my uncle does. He is essentially another father to me, and everyone knows that. And although I have not talked to my uncle since Dan died, I know full well that he is extremely distraught. And when someone who is important to me is hurting, it hurts me too.

Second, even though I wasn't as close to Dan as I am to other people, he was still there, and had been as long as I can remember. Every year since 1999 has found me celebrating Easter with my family in Pennsylvania. Dan and Rachel were at Easter dinner every single year, as well as at other family functions. So his presence was felt, as will his absence this coming Easter dinner.

Also, the occupants of the table at Easter dinner just show how things have changed over the last ten years. There were people who were at Easter dinner back in 1999 with whom I will never share a meal again: my grandmother, my cousin John, his wife Jen (who has since remarried), and now Dan. On the other hand, there are those who have since joined us at the dinner table since then: Matthew, Sam, and Ben. My family seems to be in transition now, but when one thinks about it, it always is. 

I just hope that Rachel, as well as everyone who knew Dan, will be able to find some peace. When talking to my aunt last night, I told her that my heart is going out to them: if she finds a FedEx package sitting on her front door that is packed in dry ice, that's my heart. She knows I am kidding, but she also knows that a card for my uncle is going into the mail tomorrow. His birthday card went into the mail this morning.

I'll be cynical and bitchy again soon, I promise. But for now, I'm just going to end this entry.

Eric Out.