Carol Wright Should Be Ashamed Of Herself

I don't know if Carol Wright is a real person or not, but if you have ever seen the gift catalog bearing her name, you know what I mean.

A long time ago, a coworker bought me a ceramic tape dispenser shaped like a chicken from the Carol Wright catalog. Although this thing is a piece of crap and doesn't work, it sits on a shelf over my desk, keeping silent vigil over everything it surveys. The giver of this gift started bringing in the catalog, and my boss asked me to order an exercise cycle from it.

I got this item, and it was about the biggest waste of money ever. It sat around the office for about two years before we had a remodeling, and it got thrown out. But ordering this one item put me on the mailing list to receive her catalog. These were a complete waste of paper and postage; every single catalog was nearly identical to the one I received before it. It took moving to another house for me to stop getting these in the mail.

They offer a money-back guarantee for everything they sell, but it would cost more to ship the items back than it would to keep them. They probably bank on this. But the catalog is good to look through, even if is for just a laugh.

The clothes in this catalog are as laughable as everything else; there are all kinds of dresses (made primarily of polyester), and they describe every single one of them as perfect for all-day wear, even though most of them are little more than glorified bathrobes, regardless of whether they call them caftans, rompers, or whatever. But one item from the catalog stuck in my mind the most when looking though one of these books this afternoon.

Basically, it was a tube top. I generally have no objections to tube tops, but I have some major objections to this one: first, it is made of terry cloth. Who would wear a tube top that looks like a towel? My second objection is that this garment is available in sizes up to a 4X. 

Generally, I will not judge large people. I used to be one, and if I don't watch it, I will be again. But no plus-size person with a shred of dignity should be caught dead in a tube top. In my fat days, no matter how hot it was, there was no way I would have worn anything without sleeves. Fat people are unfairly judged, and even at my highest weight, I owed it to myself to dress in a manner that would enable me to appear in polite society. Then as now, I would always wear clothes that were clean and appropriate to where I was going and what I would be doing. I would always shave (except for when I grew a beard), and either fix my hair or wear a hat. Plus, the colors available for this monstrosity are lime, fuchsia, and royal blue. What self-respecting person of any size would wear something in these godawful colors?

Changing gears, I have decided to try to go to Cobalt at Dupont Circle tomorrow night. I heard that Cobalt has a 1980's themed night on Tuesday. I am bringing a change of clothes with me to work tomorrow so I can head to the Metro directly from work (and after having a bite to eat at Subway). I asked my friend Scott how it was; he said it was fun, and that there is no dress code or cover charge. So that should be cool. I just have to do my usual thing of hiding $10 so I can get home in case I get mugged.

I go with no expectations. I just hope to dance a little and have some fun.

And if I chicken out and go sing at Freddie's, that would be okay too. But I really want to try something that doesn't have memories of Justin all over it.

Eric Out.